apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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