I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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