period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
