If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
