My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
