i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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