Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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