everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
