Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
