I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
