I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
