Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
