Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
