mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
