So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
