It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
