You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
