Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
