she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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