It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
