Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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