Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
