well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
