he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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