I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
