I haven't been this sober since birth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
