I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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