Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
