omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
