don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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