don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
