This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
