I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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