Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
