The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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