it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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