The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
