Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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