Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
