Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
