It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
