it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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