ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
