butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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