She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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