doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
