even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
