I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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