Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
