I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
