The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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